Eww York

I attended a wedding on, appropriately enough, Wednesday. The wedding was in New York. Before the wedding, I received this from the bride:

I'm having wedding moments that I actually want to share with you like a giddy little girl! First, all of my "bridesmaids" (they're actually just roasting me at the dinner) are getting vibrators as gifts, and all of our groomsmen (read: same as the other) are getting flasks engraved "Cunt" in roman lettering. Ha! I thought you'd find that amusing, if nothing else.

It was a small wedding. This was the for-friend version. There will be a larger for-family reception in Jersey o'er the weekend. While I think the bride and groom are atheists, notheists, or both, the wedding was a little Goddy. However, that was to be expected since the bride used to work for the church. It was a beautiful church and a lovely wedding. Instead of a reception, there was a dinner with a small after-party. Since the wedding didn't start until 5:30PM, we had a chance to see New York (NY) during the day. Some reflections/reports about the New York City (NYC) visit (my first NY visit ever, BTW):

• My first memorable experience in New York was merging into the single lane that goes through the Holland Tunnel. There was a surprising amount of traffic considering that we were entering NY at 1AM. In Ohio, when we go from four lanes into one, we merge lanes 1 and 2 into one land and 3 and 4 into another lane, and THEN merge those two lanes. That's not how they do it in NY. In NY, they just get rid of the concept of "lane" at all and have everybody merge at once. Turn signals and stoplights are optional, and so they are generally ignored. Nudge your way in wherever you can. People will probably stop, but you won't have more than an inch on any side of your car at any time.


• My second memorable NY experience was a few minutes later when we got into the Hotel Room. Jessie looks out the hotel room window at the apartment building an alley away and says to me, "There's a naked guy in that apartment!" I look a little closer and respond, "Huh. He's masturbating." In fact, he continued masturbating for the next few hours. This was done in front of wide open windows. We would periodically check back on him by peeking through our closed blinds. At one point, he came up to his window bent over (while still whacking off) and waved at us. At another point, he picked up a large towel and dabbed his forehead with it (I'm guessing he used it for cleanup as well). Yes, he was completely shaven. Yes, we did get pictures and video. No, I'm not going to post it. I was going to post pictures or the video, but then I remembered that there are people out there who think free speech does not extend farther than burning a cross in a blackie's yard. Thus, I'll let you imagine it. We figured he just didn't have any blinds to close. However, his blinds were closed when we woke up the next morning.


• I hope Times Square is better looking at night. In the day, it's just a little ugly, creepy, and underwhelming.


• Madison Square Garden is old and ugly (at least from the outside).


• Paninis in NYC are of equal or lesser value to paninis anywhere else.


• The American Museum of Natural History is wonderful and huge and a terrific value (considering that you set your own price to get in).


• Central Park is pretty in some parts.


• Dogs defecate on the sidewalks in a city like NYC.


• New Jersey is full service by law, and I hate it, and I think I made that pretty clear to the attendant.

So, there you have it. :)