Friday, July 01, 2005

Roman Candles Suck

Why do people use "Roman Candles" as their surrogate for "fireworks" when discussing do-it-yourself July 4th activities? A conversation taken from the radio just a moment ago:
DJ: So do you like those Roman candles? I know you're Italian.

Guest DJ: Well, we like to shoot them at each other, but other than that we don't really get into the fireworks stuff.

DJ: Whoa! Shooting Roman candles at each other!

Did she mean BOTTLE ROCKETS? Roman candles are the most BENIGN fireworks available! If you set one up to shoot at someone, all they'd have to do is slowly step out of the way and make sure that they didn't step back into their old spot until the firework was done. You can see them coming because they are bright. They don't go very far. They don't stay in the air very long. They don't get very high. They're very unimpressive.

So, yeah, Roman candles suck. It's too bad they're apparently the figurehead of all fireworks.


grrrbear said...

When I was a kid we used to shoot both bottle rockets and roman candles at each other. The thing is you put on a set of thick leather gloves (and maybe a jacket) and hold the roman candle like a gun, aiming it at your friend while the little fireballs shot out of it like a little pistol. They don't shoot as far, granted, but because the balls don't explode you're less likely to do damage to property (and therefore, get in serious trouble). Shooting bottle rockets at each other was way more dangerous, and usually happened with us as the intended targets of felonious older brothers.

Theo said...

Well, alright, I admit I was a little harsh to Roman candles. The other night we were having a BBQ at the pool when some drunk a-holes came in and starting shooting Roman candles over the pool. This was hardly a benign display.

My older brother liked bottle rockets too... Thanks, Kenny, you butthead.