"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place."
--Steven Wright
"The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office."
--Robert Frost
"The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television."
-- Unknown
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying."
-- Woody Allen
"It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do."
-- Jerome K. Jerome
"Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?"
-- Edgar Bergen
"When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'"
-- Don Marquis
"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important."
-- Bertrand Russell
"Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment."
-- Robert Benchley
"The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them."
-- Robert Frost
"I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours."
-- Jerome K. Jerome
"The prospect of a long day at the beach makes me panic. There is no harder work I can think of than taking myself off to somewhere pleasant, where I am forced to stay for hours and 'have fun'."
-- Phillip Lopate
"Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories - those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost."
-- Russell Baker
"Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art."
-- Tom Stoppard
"Dealing with network executives is like being nibbled to death by ducks."
-- Eric Sevareid
"Anyone who works is a fool. I don't work - I merely inflict myself upon the public."
-- Robert Morley
"The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers."
-- Scott Adams
"Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to become as mediocre as possible."
-- Margaret Mead
"Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day."
-- Mickey Rooney
"When I'm working on a problem, I never think about beauty. I think only how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong."
-- R. Buckminster Fuller
"Works of art, in my opinion, are the only objects in the material universe to possess internal order, and that is why, though I don't believe that only art matters, I do believe in Art for Art's sake."
-- E. M. Forster
"The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any."
-- Russell Baker
"Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs."
-- Christopher Hampton
"Things could always be worse; for instance, you could be ugly and work in the Post Office."
-- Adrienne E. Gusoff
"Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else."
-- James M. Barrie
"The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public."
-- George Jessel
"A sense of duty is useful in work, but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not be endured with patient resignation."
-- Bertrand Russell
"We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true."
-- Robert Wilensky
"The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work."
-- Richard Bach
"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
-- Oscar Wilde
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