Saturday, May 14, 2005

Defining Emo

So in the comments on the My Own Dashboard Confessional post, J.Bro challenges me to "define Emo."

To my surprise, there's actually a great deal already available on-line on the subject. For example, Wikipedia: Emo does a very good job. Here they even go so far as to say things like:
Bands such as Bright Eyes are often mistaken for emo but are not.

That's a pretty strong statement that implies that emo isn't fuzzy at all. Also, at the end of that entry, there are links to pages that give helpful hints like, "Don't kill yourself on Friday the 13th. People won't think you're 'emo', they'll just think you're satanic."

To me, emo embodies the musings of young men who have been testosterone deprived far longer than their peers and have just been given a quick shot of it sometime late in life (perhaps early twenties) and are drunk on it. Emo men act like 12-year-old boys because I think that there's something wrong with them that caused parts of their brain that were supposed to develop when they were 12 develop instead when they turn 21. Does that make sense?

The post about Needies might as well be a post about plush emo-fans. Emo degrades women, sets a bad example for men, and is perhaps a key reason for the whiny nice guy's finish last syndrome (WNGFLS, sometimes pronounced "(W)oNe GirlFriend LeSs", as in "Oh, so you're a grown man crying on your pillow because you have one girlfriend less than everyone else, right? Poor baby.").

In most cases, I think you just know it when you see it. It's just like you know when someone's being a whiny little stubborn brat when you see them. Some people have real relationship problems. Other people invent their own because they're afraid of getting into a real relationship with real problems. The latter either perform or listen to emo.

If your boyfriend listens to emo and really identifies with it, there's a good chance that he just wants sex and reassuring affection from you. Don't ever expect that relationship to mature into something worth keeping. Unfortunately, when you do start dating someone who is willing to share a real relationship with you, you'll be accused of favoring an asshole over someone who is devoted to you.

Do you notice that these emo people never know anything about the people they sing about? It's all very generic. "Your hair is everywhere." Oh, yeah? What color is it? What does it smell like? Where was I born?

Emo depicts men who cry about not getting sex on the night that their girlfriend's parents have died in a horrible car wreck. "I just thought the sex would help you cope. I guess since you're not in the mood then you must be a bitch. I'm going to write a song about you. It may have your name in it, but otherwise everything else will be nondescript because I never paid attention to you."

So that's emo to me. You're supposed to grow up. You're not supposed to write songs about how much you aspire to be back in middle school.

And I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. ... I hate it.

I mean, if you're going to be passive aggressive, MAKE IT **GOOD**. If you aren't a modern day Count of Monte Cristo, then you should downgrade to just "passive" and shut up.

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