Sex and the City Reruns

I used to like the show. I got a kick out of it. It was fun.

Now every aspect of the show reminds me of every frustrating part of my last relationship. I'm pretty sure she was in cahoots with the writers. Of course, she wasn't, so that made me even more afraid. Maybe that's just how things are. Any male 24 and up is doomed to a relationship with a lunatic. Sex and the City isn't fiction, it's fate.

Recent chats with Kristen about her own marriage ambitions (emphasis on AMBITIONS) and her own reflections about her similar friends made me start to wonder about the amount of sanity left in the world. Then I figured that was just Kristen.

So I ran into another friend of mine who has been dating someone who I thought was a very reasonable young woman for about a year now. I thought it would be fun to reflect on my recent observations with him, my not-yet-engaged friend. Guys like to have fun talking about this stuff. It gives us strength.

Well, it turns out that his apparently-not-so-reasonable girlfriend has been really pushing him into marriage. She says things like, "I don't want to be your girlfriend. I don't want to be your fiance! I want to be your WIFE!" HOLY CRAP! Don't people get LOCKED UP for saying things like that?! So he starts telling me that he doesn't ever imagine splitting up with her, so he starts coming up with plans. You see, every woman my age has told me that apparently men my age must always ask the parents (specifically the father?) first (something that was unheard of for both of my parents, which I thought was odd because I figured this was just some sort of resurgencce of something old and romantic... turns out it's just contrived!). So he's coming up with ways to meet all the brothers, ask the parents, and ask her all in the same WEEK just because it'd be convenient. Clearly I think he's rushing. I tell him to slow down. I know that what he wants is just to get out of school, line up a job, move with her, and THEN take care of all of this.

So a few nights ago I was a little tipsy and my friend asked me to hold up his girlfriend as he ran to take care of something else (she was a lot more tipsy than me). Somehow the topic of their relationship came up, and I tried to give her as much confidence as I could that she was really important to him... so she asks something like, "So, do you think he'll stay with me?"

EXCUSE ME?! You're PARANOID?! First of all, YES, I think he will. There's NO CHANCE that he's planning on anything else!! This should be OBVIOUS to her!! The only thing that might put a wedge between them is her own INSISTENCE on him rushing into a wedding ASAP. (kinda ironic, huh?) Of course, I couldn't say any of this. All of this stuff between them is very secret. So I say instead, "Well, I don't really talk about this stuff with him, but I know you're more important to him than any other girlfriend, so blah blah blah..." She was drunk, and he was on his way back anyway, so it didn't really matter.

Now, that night was also the 24th birthday of one of our engaged friends. He had to get up early the next day. The guy picking him up at 8AM gave him a phone call around 11PM to remind him of the pick up. During the phone call, our engaged friend told his fiance to hold a second while he took care of the call. Well, she ended up being upset that he prioritized his phone call over her. The rest of the night was filled with explitives between them (originating from her, the faithful fiance). We took him back to their apartment after she was nowhere to be found. She ended up getting a ride home somehow (taxi? random guy in the bar?) later... and I think he counted on her just sleeping it off. Happy birthday, Mark. Poor guy. I have to imagine everything is okay now... I hope.

When you're a teenager you have lots of complaints about the opposite sex. You know what they should teach you in sex ed? It only gets worse. You think you've got it bad figuring out what a guy does on his first date? Kid, you ain't seen nothing yet. Enjoy the minor leagues while you can. Try to take your "Irish Wedding Bands" seriously and pretend you're all grown up... There's no reason to want to go much farther than that.

Father of the Bride is on HBO right now. That's a scary thought... Maybe there's another level after this. Maybe it just KEEPS on getting worse. Think you've conquered marriage? Ha! Now here comes kids. Think you've raised them?! HA! They get married and have kids themselves. It never ends. Enjoy each day like it's your last, because the next one is only going to be worse...